A LEOPARD'S SPOTS AND TRIBAL MARKS

They say a leopard never changes it's spots ... I think to myself as I knot my tie till it hurt ... "Well, I'm not a leopard? I'm a hausa christian from Borno state or an ex-con with scars just out from Alcatraz or kirikiri prison or a prophet with tribal marks trying to ... *muaaah!* 

Henrietta planted a wet kiss on my neck, it sent shivers down my spine, like the effect a clipper would have on a child having his first haircut.
I held her face, "Henri ... Stop. You don't have to do this". My eyes were closed. I didn't want to open them because I knew I wouldn't like the view in the mirror, but I knew if she flung me to the bed and tore my clothes with a horsewhip I wouldn't scream rape. 
Just then, she grabbed my balls and fondled it.
"Whoa! Whoa!!" ... I pushed her back, "whoa, calm down ..."
"You relax noow ... You got me horny, Ben". She bit her lip and did a little lap dance pulling her skirt so I could see her polka dot pants. I sat on the bed, "Henri ... Sit down. Sit down," I heaved a sigh of relief as she sat down with a thud, her face so close and her lips inviting - She was just drop-dead gorgeous ... though the stench from her breath was of cheap alcohol. Isn't this all a brother prays for?
Why was I just looking at the cookie jar with a stiff D? I was also looking at myself through her eyes - I was fighting seriously. I held her hand.
"Henrietta Solomon ... You're just a hypnotic bottle," I laughed. "And you've got a hard-on ... Still". She replied.
"Yeah ... Ignore him. He's my achilles heel, he'll go down when he wants to irregardless of my thoughts. We had a deal Henrietta"
"Yes, we still have a deal, Big Ben ..." Just then I snapped "My name's not Big Ben, I'm Ubong! All that social media stuff, the tweets, the posts, are just for gags. I promise you, you will get the job and we will ...," I stuttered "we will be good friends. It's not just nice like this. My conscience and posterity will judge me!"

Okay, pause, press rewind - a month ago, I was in a bus enroute CMS and this light skinned girl sat beside me. I was tired and losing a game of chess on my phone when she smiled, "you should have used your knight". I won the game and I thought she was Mrs. Einstein reincarnated.
We got talking like we knew each other and trust Lagos commuters, they would turn back from time to time to give me this weird look.
She told me she was in dire need of a job and I told her I'd be on the lookout. We forgot to exchange numbers as we kept talking and laughing till she alighted from the bus. A really black dude in the bus said, "You dey talk, you no collect number". SHIT!
I calmly begged the driver, in yoruba, to wait a bit, so I called to her and got her number.
She waved and gesticulated "Call me!"
      
      Last week, my younger sister said her company was in need of an admin officer, preferably female. That was how I called Henrietta and told her to come before 7:45am so my sister could see and assess her. No, she didn't.

She got here by 9:30, all sweaty and nervous. Apapa holdup, she said. I could relate.
"But that's no excuse, you know? If you start working ... "
"I knowww ..." she begged. "I'm sorrrry! This is such a bad first impression". I apologized too and gave her cold water. I struck a deal with her after seeing her excitement and I prepped her on questions to expect.
She said in all honesty she thought it was a scam and almost didn't show up, but a neighbour encouraged her to.
She was to give me #10,000 from her salary for the first 3 months - cheap shot, right?
I really needed the cash. She was elated. She said she could even make it a one-off payment and told me various stories of how girls she knew in Lagos would do anything to land a 50k job. Hers was 85.
Henrietta said she would stay until my sister got back, so I went to get noodles and eggs. She asked me to buy her chelsea dry gin (the medium bottle), lo and behold, this damsel finished the drink before I came out the kitchen with the food.
Okay o. Not a chance to even tell her I don't drink gin.
We finished eating and she said she wanted to take a nap. I loosened my tie and went back to work on some editing job my pastor sent me.
Henrietta called me after 30 minutes so we could chat. My mistake. So here I was, battling with my flesh.

        Least I forget, I used to be the wrongest guy to pull this kinna stunt with, I could read body language like two magnets with opposite poles, but then I met Jesus, the lover of my soul. It's been a different kettle of fish since then, but I wonder why the temptations keep coming.
Henrietta ran away with my 30k but we kept being good friends.